CATEGORY: GAL PAL
“I just don't think that Brooke could've done this. Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands…they just don't.” - Elle Woods
If you haven’t seen Legally Blonde, you probably should, as it’s a comedy that appeals to blondes, brunettes, and redheads alike. A Barbie doll from Bel Air decides to go to Harvard? Hilarious! Of course, it does have its lesson of morality, too. Elle goes to law school in the hopes of winning back the man who treats her like dirt, and instead finds her inner feminist and saves a fellow blonde from having to wear a heinous orange jumpsuit for the next 25 to life.
What You Need to Know About the Plot:
Delta Nu sorority president Elle Woods (Reese Witherspoon) is looking for the perfect dress to wear on what she thinks will be the most magical night of her life – the night her boyfriend Warner Huntington III (Matthew Davis) proposes. But instead of a proposal of marriage, Warner proposes that they break up. Evidently, Elle’s too much of a ‘Marilyn,’ (Monroe) and not a ‘Jackie’ (Kennedy) for Warner, who has aspirations of becoming a senator.
Elle’s best friends Margot (Jessica Cauffiel) and Serena (Alanna Ubach) think a trip to the salon will bring Elle out of her funk, but instead of highlights, Elle picks up a magazine featuring a picture of Warner’s Yale-educated brother and his fiancee, and decides that in order to win Warner back, she has to go to Harvard.
After Elle prepares a video resume to showcase all her qualifications, and somehow manages to get a 179 on her LSATs despite having majored in Fashion Merchandising at CULA, she gets her acceptance and heads out to Boston, where, of course, her Los Angeles lifestyle is gawked at. Along for the ride is her Chihuahua Bruiser, and her extensive pink wardrobe.
Elle gets off to a rocky start when she’s humiliated in her first class by a girl named Vivian (Selma Blair), who just so happens to be Warner’s high school sweetheart and brand-new fiancée. This news sends Elle on a desperate quest for a mani-pedi, landing her in the lap of Paulette (Jennifer Coolidge), who dresses like an unpopular middle-schooler and lacks the confidence to speak to the UPS guy. Despite the fact that Paulette is once, twice, three times a loser, she gives Elle advice, and Elle takes it. She’s going to win Warner back.
Elle’s only ally at Harvard is Emmett Richmond (Luke Wilson), whom she meets on campus after Professor Stromwell (Holland Taylor) kicks her out of class. This the only good thing to come out of her first day.
Since Vivian doesn’t want to give up the 4-carat Harry Winston on her finger, she and her minion trick Elle into showing up at a party in a sexy bunny costume. Elle shrugs off the humiliation and flirts with Warner, only to finally realize that he’s never going to take her seriously and she has to prove to him and everyone else that she’s worthy of attending their stupid school.
After a montage of Elle dedicating herself to the law and self-improvement, she takes Warner down a peg in Professor Callahan’s (Victor Garber) class, and submits her candidacy for one of Callahan’s internship positions with a pink, scented resume. Elle’s feeling pretty good about herself, and decides to use her newfound law powers to help Paulette reclaim her bulldog, Rufus, from an evil ex. Despite using legal jargon completely incorrectly, Elle and Paulette manage to make off with the dog.
Elle’s next victory comes when Professor Callahan announces he’s taking on a couple of first-year interns. Elle, Warner, Vivian, and Enid Wexler (Meredith Scott Lynne) are the lucky few who get to see the inside of a real law office. To mark the momentous occasion, Elle buys a black dress and pantyhose, and finds, to her surprise, that Emmett is one of Callahan’s associates.
Their defendant is exercise guru Brooke Wyndham (Ali Larter), formerly Brook Taylor, one of Elle’s idols and a Delta Nu sister. She supposedly shot her elderly husband but swears she wouldn’t do such a thing because he was really good in bed.
Elle goes to visit Brooke in prison, delivering the essentials, like Cosmo, 500-thread count sheets, and conditioner, and asks for Brooke’s alibi. Brooke refuses to take the stand, but eventually confesses that the reason she can’t tell anyone where she was at the time of the murder is that she was getting liposuction, and she doesn’t want to lose her fitness reputation. Elle swears to keep her secret.
A promise which is tested the next day after Callahan finds out about the visit Brooke received from her ‘sister.’ He demands Elle tell him what the alibi is, but she zips her lip. She can’t break the bonds of sisterhood. None of the men get it, not even Emmett, which he tells Elle on their drive to a spa to interview the deceased’s ex-wife (Raquel Welch). Vivian, however, thinks it was very “classy” of Elle not to tell on Brooke, and they bond over depositions and Warner’s inability to do his own laundry.
The courtroom drama starts when Brooke’s poolboy Enrique takes the stand and claims the two of them were lovers. But when he recognizes Elle’s footwear as Prada, she knows he’s full of shit – he’s gay, straight men don’t know designers. Callahan dismisses her female intuition, but Emmett takes a chance and gets Enrique to out himself.
Riding high on her success, Elle is abruptly dragged back to earth when a late night meeting with Callahan results in sexual harassment. She runs out of the office only to be confronted by Vivian, who thinks Elle’s sleeping her way to the top. Emmett tries to convince Elle to stay, but she’s tired of wearing the pantyhose and decides to go back to California where she belongs.
She doesn’t get very far. Emmett enlightens Vivian and Brooke about Callahan’s behavior, and suggests something they can do to make the world a better place. Meanwhile Elle’s saying her goodbyes to Paulette, and who should turn around in the stylist’s chair but mean old Professor Stromwell who encourages Elle to go back to the trial.
Brooke fires Callahan in the courtroom and appoints Elle as her new representation, with Emmett backing her up. The once-again-in-pink Ms. Woods stammers her way through her initial examination of Brooke’s step-daughter Chutney (Linda Cardellini) who was supposed to have been in the shower when her father was killed, but as soon as Miss Wyndham mentions having gotten a perm, Elle pounces. It’s the first rule of perm maintenance that you can’t wash your hair for at least twenty-four hours after getting a perm, or you’re out at least fifty bucks. A flustered Chutney confesses to accidentally shooting her father; she thought it was Brooke walking through the door.
Elle celebrates by rejecting Warner once and for all, and the movie cuts to two years later. Elle graduates at the top of her class while her parents, Paulette, and new best friend Vivian look on proudly. She’s dating Emmett, and titles on the screen let us know she’s planning to pop the question that evening. Everyone lives happily ever after, except Warner, who will apparently die a miserable, lonely, bastard.
Who’s Who:
Elle Woods is a Gemini vegetarian, with a B.A. in Fashion Merchandising. She’s a walking talking Barbie doll – but she’s no fool. Though Elle is naïve, she’s actually got a lot of common sense, and isn’t afraid to say what she thinks, no matter if it sounds dumb. Even when she’s trying to blend in she stands out, as evidenced by her bright orange iBook in a see of black laptops. Knows the chemical composition of the average perm, and loves animals.
Emmett Richmond, Callahan’s protégé, is fascinated by Elle and her refreshing West Coast perspective. He gives her a few tips on surviving Harvard, and steps up as her champion when she makes her debut in court. Though he hasn’t always got a way with words, his genuine nice guy-ness wins her over.
Warner Huntington III is a stuck-up prick who actually got waitlisted for Harvard. He has an older brother at Yale, and a complete lack of morals. Calls whatever woman he’s dating ‘Pooh-Bear.’ He can’t tell Prada from Payless, and graduates with no honors, no girlfriend, and no job prospects.
Vivian Kensington is Warner’s high school girlfriend-turned-fiancée. She’s a ‘frigid bitch’ in the beginning, but loosens up when she realizes that Warner’s not worth fighting over. She respects Elle’s loyalty to Sisterhood, and hates having to fetch coffee and soy sauce for Callahan. She dresses like an off-duty nun.
Paulette Bonafonte, a walking disaster who dresses like a twelve year old, she nonetheless has a good heart, and adopts a homesick Elle. They bond over their mutual love of mani-pedis and canine companions. She has a major thing for the delivery guy, and with Elle’s help, she ends up marrying him, despite breaking his nose. (See Bend and Snap.)
Professor Callahan is an example of what Warner would probably be all grown up, except smarter. He makes a move on Elle, so she quits, only to storm back into the courtroom and take his place as lead counsel.
Brooke Taylor Wyndham is the fitness diva with a deep, dark secret: she’s had liposuction. Apparently normal women can’t have her ass. She's accused of murdering her elderly husband, but won't let Elle use her liposuction as an alibi.
Margot & Serena are Elle’s sorority sisters who come as a package. Margot’s the dumb blonde, and Serena’s the slightly less dumb brunette.
Phrases You Might Have Heard Before and Where They Come From:
“The Bend & Snap! Works every time!” The Bend & Snap is Elle’s signature move for attracting the opposite sex and in an attempt to help Paulette catch the eye of the UPS guy, she gives an impromptu lesson in the beauty salon. For detailed instructions see the YouTube video, but essentially the move boils down to pretending to see something on the ground, leaning over to pick it up, and then popping up like a prairie dog with your hands tucked by your boobs. Note: it is undetermined if this move has ever successfully been performed in real life.
“Is that low-viscosity rayon? With a half-loop top stitching on the hem?” It’s impossible to use a half-loop top stitching on low-viscosity rayon, it would snag the fabric. And you thought you wouldn’t learn anything from this movie!
“Isn't it the first cardinal rule of perm maintenance that you are forbidden to wet your hair for at least 24 hours after getting a perm at the risk of deactivating the ammonium thioglycolate?” This is a lesson some of us learned from Sweet Valley High. Nevertheless, if someone you know has had an unfortunate perm, go ahead and suggest a cold shower.
“Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't.” This is Elle’s justification for why Brooke, who has her own fitness empire, couldn’t possibly have killed Hayworth Wyndham.
Survey Says:
Women like to see men like Warner and Callahan get their comeuppance, especially in a male-dominated world. Fish-out-of-water tales are always a lot of fun, and Witherspoon is extremely appealing in this film, in part because her character doesn’t have a mean bone in her body. Plus, she gets to wear outrageous outfits and cute shoes.
Many female Harvard graduates would tell you that this situation is beyond implausible, it's downright impossible, but I think a suspension of disbelief is in order for any chick flick. We enjoy the fantasy, we need that kind of hope because often, the real world, like, totally sucks.